What's your totem

This prompt was part of a writing exercise on IndieWeb Carnival, July 2025.

I think it just boils down to how I see ownership, I can't think of something that I can call a totem, every object is replaceable from a utilitarian's perspective, that mindset rarely leaves much room for aesthetic.

As someone who doesn't own many things, and tries to own as little as possible, I've designed my relationship to objects to be ephemeral. There are few objects things in my life that hold great value, aside from my first guitar, a Yamaha C40.

I was brought up in a conservative muslim family where playing music was not permissible. I was always inclined to playing music but my family wouldn't support it. Arshid was a music teacher in school who I practically begged to include me in events that would allow me to sing and play instruments. He taught me for a few years. However, eventually he stopped teaching me because of my social relation to faith.

I used to get an allowance of 10 rupees a day when I was in school, instead of spending this allowance on ice-cream, or snacks in the lunch break, I used to save it in a box. When I had saved up about 8,000 rupees, I called my friend Hannan and told him that I wanted to buy this guitar that was available online. I didn't have a debit card or a bank account at the time, so I would have had to deposit this money into his account. I still remember walking into the bank with what looked like a bajillion 10 rupee notes and telling the lady that I wanted to deposit money in my cousin's account. She guided me through it all and in about two weeks, the guitar was here.

I learned how to play it myself, and did it in an awfully quiet manner to ensure no one heard, I hid it in my brother's wardrobe or under his bed. It was this tool that allowed me to be free from my parent's indoctrinated beliefs, and the school music teacher's lack of professionalism.

While I hold deep value for the guitar, I still think it is quite replaceable, just as most of the objects I own. I wonder what to do with it now, I'm not sure anymore. I think about giving it away to my sister, I probably won't be able to carry it with me if I move abroad.